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Universal resources

Bereavement

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What are grief and loss?

Whilst they may affect each of us in different ways and at different times, they form part of a universal human experience.

Loss

Loss can take many forms such as the death of a loved one, the breakdown of a relationship or losing a job. It is a part of life that can bring us together, and is something we all experience at some point in our lives. Following a loss, we may experience a range of different emotions including sadness, loneliness, guilt, relief and even anger. We may also feel empty or numb, as if nothing has any meaning, or feel frustrated at how we are feeling.

Grief

Grief is something we often experience in the wake of a loss and can be defined as ‘a feeling of deep sorrow or distress that is caused by loss or affliction.’ It is a powerful emotion and physical reaction to the loss of something or someone. Although typically an emotional response to loss, grief can also manifest as cognitive, behavioural and physical challenges such as changes in appetite, sleep disturbance, difficulty concentrating, and/or a loss of interest in work and other activities.

Note: Neither the assessment nor the information provided in this module is designed to diagnose you. We’d like to demonstrate the consequences of unresolved grief and trauma and to point you in the direction of relevant resources to help you if you or someone you know are struggling right now.

7 Stages of grief

Experiencing a loss can feel lonely, particularly when that loss is the bereavement of a loved one. It is important to know that you are not alone. The best way to move forward is to give yourself permission to go through the different stages of grief. Try to experience these emotions without judgement and do not compare your experience of grief to someone else’s. We all grieve differently and that is ok. It can be helpful to identify where you are in the grieving process and recognise when you might need to seek additional support.

1. Shock and denial

In this initial stage emotions are usually most profound. Once you have experienced a loss you may have feelings of shock, disbelief or numbness. You may also experience physical symptoms such as nausea, changes in appetite or difficulty sleeping.

2. Pain and guilt

Once feelings of shock start to fade, often feelings of pain start to sink in. This is the time when it first hits you that your loss is real. During this stage it is also normal to start experiencing feelings of guilt, you may think that there was something you could or should have done to prevent the loss. These feelings can feel overwhelming however, it is important to acknowledge them as a normal part of the healing process.

3. Anger and bargaining

When you are grieving, it is very normal to feel angry and frustrated. You may wonder ‘why is this happening to me?’. You may even try to bargain for a chance to change the outcome or to find a way out of your despair.

4. Depression, reflection, and loneliness

This is the stage where you really start to reflect on your loss and how it has affected you and your life. You may start to feel yourself withdrawing from others in order to cope with your feelings of grief. Whilst time alone is important, it is also essential to have a strong, supportive network of close friends and family around you at this time.

5. The upward turn

As you start to adjust to life after loss, you will start to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Each day you will start to feel a little bit better, even if you don’t realise it at first.

6. Reconstruction and working through

As you start to feel better, you will begin to feel a sense of control again. This is the stage where you start to work through the after-affects of your loss. You will start to find realistic and practical ways to continue living your life.

7. Acceptance

Acceptance is the final stage of the grieving process. By ‘accepting’ your loss you are acknowledging its existence and starting to move forward with your life. This does not mean that you are ‘over it’, or have forgotten your loss, but that you are adjusting to your new normal and finding a positive way forward.

Reaching this last stage means that you have the ability to accept what has happened and to reflect on good memories. It may become easier to talk about your loss and to look back on memories fondly. You may still experience feelings of sadness from time to time and that is ok.

Note: Grief is not always a linear process, you may skip or go back and forth between stages and that is ok. Grieving is your own personal experience and the time that you spend processing your loss may be different to others, just know that you are not alone.

Grow around your grief

This image illustrates a helpful metaphor for thinking about grief. Developed by Dr Lois Tokin, it takes the view that rather than grief becoming smaller over time, life grows and becomes bigger around it. It acknowledges that there will always be days where you experience strong feelings of sadness but that there will also be days where you experience joy.

This model highlights that accepting your loss does not mean forgetting it, but allowing yourself to continue growing a new life around it.

play video

Grow around your grief

Watch this short video which further explains Dr Lois Tokin's metaphor of how life can begin to grown around grief.

Tools for navigating grief and loss

Support Services

Loss Foundation

Find out more

The Loss Foundation is a UK charity dedicated to providing free bereavement support following the loss of a loved one to cancer or COVID-19, whether that be spouses, family members, friends or colleagues.

They provide a variety of different events to help people at any point during their loss, and create the opportunity for them to meet others who have experienced something similar. Their website also offers workshops, training and support to those who have suffered the loss of a loved one.

 

Cruse Bereavement support

Find out more

This service offers online information and support on how to cope with the bereavement of a friend or family member. Their website also offers advice on how to best manage a number of practical issues following the loss of a loved one.

Survivors of Bereavement by suicide

Find out more

This service is specifically designed to support those who have been impacted by suicide loss in the UK. Their website offers a range of support and advice to all those over the age of 18.